A busy month so far

This has been an incredibly eventful month. There are a number of different things I wish to share, so I'm just going to mind dump, at length. Enjoy!

The month started off with a visit from Master Gao, Dr. Yang's first Taiji master. He was not what I was expecting. About 80 years old, he had the vitality of someone 60 years younger. He was very animated, outgoing, funny, and unusual. He kept asking people to feel his lower legs, which somehow were about as solid as a tree trunk. He would also occasionally head butt random things and led singalongs of old American folk songs, among other antics. We had a demonstration here on May 8th in his honor, which was well attended by the neighbors and people from Salmon Creek Elementary School. It was a great time, and I had the opportunity to speak about life, the universe, and everything in depth with some very kind and engaging neighbors.

Normally, my two weekend a month work schedule would have fallen on that weekend and on the weekend of the 15th. I had to be here for the demonstration, obviously, and we were doing dvd filming on the 15th, so I had to go back to San Francisco during the week for 5 days to get the month's work done. It's weird being away, it always feels like I miss so many crazy things happening, and it makes me feel a bit alienated from the group. I do enjoy brief visits to the city, catching up with family, and having a taste of the personal freedom and independence that doesn't exist at the center. I spent a few hours each day training at an awesome gymnastics place in the city, which was also fun. I worked on tumbling, jumping, staff basics, and Qi Xing.

When we jump at the center, we jump over these wooden railings outdoors on concrete and. The mental aspect of it is by far the most challenging. It's hard not to be afraid of hurting yourself, and the more afraid you are, the less you commit to a jump. The less you commit, the more likely you are to fail and hurt yourself. It's definitely taken me a lot of time to build up confidence. I knew even then I still wasn't jumping as well as I could, but training at the gymnastics place showed me how true that was. They had hard foam blocks that could be secured together, stacked up, and jumped on/over. With the knowledge that I wouldn't hurt myself no matter what happened, I found I was able to jump about 8 inches higher than I normally do here. I jumped on to blocks stacked about 2-3 inches below my neck. That felt pretty awesome.

When I returned to the center, we had a couple 10-12 hour filming days. Over the past couple months, we have prepared a script for a DVD that the YMAA publication center will produce detailing the first year's conditioning training methods. It will be available for sale to people who wish to learn the traditional ways of conditioning. It was a lot of work preparation, and an exhausting and long shoot, but it seemed to go very well. It will be interesting to see the finished product. Our documentary film maker, Craig, and our filming instructor, Rii, both came up to film the DVD, and it's always great having them around. David Silver from the publishing company came out too, and it was great to meet him. He's an awesome guy with an inspiring life story and was fun to work and banter with.

My experience at the center has been much more enjoyable as my body has adapted and I don't feel so shitty all the time. The new training schedule has less conditioning and more technique, which is awesome. It's great to start learning what we came here for. It's pretty rigorous though, and Shifu follows us around with a stopwatch enforcing a 4 hour schedule planned out to the minute. That's not so enjoyable, to be honest, but it gets stuff done. I feel like there is too much time for some things and not enough time for others, but overall its pretty good. I'm still adjusting to it, it's only been a couple weeks.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the Shifu-disciple relationship, and how beyond my experience it is. Shifu translates to "teacher father", and at the YMAA center, it really means that. It is a deep and meaningful bond, but it can be very challenging and frustrating. Growing up, my parents had a relatively hands off parenting style. I always did exceptionally well in school and never got into trouble, and didn't party, drink, or do drugs. From a pretty early age I had few restrictions on my freedom, and I never abused their trust. They weren't super involved in my life, and generally just allowed me to create myself and develop as I saw fit. I got in very few fights with them, and they rarely ever imposed their will on me. Shifu has a much different parenting style. He is constantly critical, judgmental, and has a very clear idea of what is best for us. Any time we do anything he thinks is lazy, stupid, irresponsible, or otherwise, he calls us out, insults us (as far as telling someone they are lazy, stupid, or whatever is an insult), and teases us, trying to make us feel badly about it and change our ways. He is constantly pushing us to be more aware and responsible. He points out every flaw and mistake, usually blowing it way out of proportion to humiliate us, portraying us in as negative a light as possible. For example, sometimes I run out of time for breakfast and don't finish everything in my bowl, so I'll compost the last little bit I didn't have time to eat. He gives me shit every time I do that, saying things like "That food took so long to grow and you just waste it? You don't appreciate anything. You take everything for granted, you don't appreciate people or anything in your life! You are so lazy!"

Over the course of time, taking constant shit like that can really get old, haha. As an adult in my 20s, I'm not accustomed to someone telling me I'm a worthless terrible person every time I do the slightest little thing that isn't up to their personal standards. Obviously he just wants us to be better people, and to learn humility, and patience. It definitely accomplishes all of those things, but there must be other ways to teach that! I'm sure I'll appreciate it later, and usually don't mind now. It's definitely a subject of mirth and teasing at the center. We all follow Shifu's example and make fun of each other for just about everything. Sometimes though, you just don't want to hear people giving you shit for everything all the time, but so it goes.

In addition to that, it can be hard to talk to him about some things. There is obviously a language barrier, and he's a very busy man. He has some ideas about how to train certain things or certain cultural attitudes that are very difficult to disagree with him about. He can be very dismissive of other people's opinions at times. I realized though that I am used to the western mindset of treating other people as peers, feeling entitled to have a discussion as equals with anyone where each party can speak their mind, have their side heard, consider alternative positions. Shifu spoke the other night about the traditional master student relationship, and how it doesn't work that way. The master student relationship is grounded in respect and obedience, and its highly inappropriate to publicly disagree with your master. Even in private, its inappropriate to disagree with them outright. You have to be subtle about bringing up alternative points of view, and never try to make your master bend to your will. For the most part, over the last year, I just didn't talk to him about things I didn't agree with. I did not want to show him disrespect or argue with him. I have been thinking about what he said, and will definitely put time and energy to speak with him more in private and become closer with him.

Despite all of the frustrations I touched on above, it is still a very special relationship. He loves us as sons, and whatever his methods are, he wants us to be the best human beings we can be. There are times when the authoritarian master mask falls away, and he shows sincere, open concern for our well being and happiness, and it is very touching.

This morning, we were invited to go hiking on Bear Butte (indigenous name translated to 'really steep rock.' awesome!), the largest mountain in the area, with the local elementary school where we teach. The school has about 12 students from ages 4-12, plus two teachers and an assortment of parents. It is a beautiful community; everyone is incredibly kind, interesting, and enjoyable company. According to the teacher, Bear Butte was a sacred place for indigenous people here, and I could see why. It was one of the most intensely beautiful places I have ever been. The peak is about 2,600 feet, and a narrow mountain road overlooking fields, forests, and valleys leads to hiking trails. The elevation offers a spectacular vista of the surrounding mountain range, and it truly seemed to nourish the soul. I spent most of the ride staring in awe out the window, drinking it all in. The hike itself was equally beautiful, through dense forests. As deeply as I feel and enjoy the natural world here, the best part of that hike was definitely the kids. These kids, who have only known their mountain homes, are so much different from kids who grow up in the cities and suburbs. A lot of them don't have tv or internet. They were so full of life, love, playfulness, and happy unselfconscious energy. It was very joyful for me to be around them and play with them. I spent most of my time with a group of 4 or 5 of the kids. We ran around the woods, pushed and poked each other, rolled down wet hill sides, climbed rocks, and chased each other around. I had fun trying to run up a steep hillside carrying them on my back, ranging from about 40 to 90 pounds. One of them rubbed sparkly lip stick all over my face, which made me look quite ridiculous. Today was definitely one of the most enjoyable days I've had all year.

I think I'll end the post there, that's enough for now. Be well and thanks for reading.